


i don't want to cry (i'm bad at goodbye)

by lazyfish



Series: Genuary 2021 [13]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Gen, Post-Episode: s03e13 Parting Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-17 03:41:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29218923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lazyfish/pseuds/lazyfish
Summary: Mack and Bobbi get to have a conversation after the spy's goodbye.
Relationships: Alphonso "Mack" Mackenzie & Bobbi Morse
Series: Genuary 2021 [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2087955
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	i don't want to cry (i'm bad at goodbye)

The snow outside the bar crunched under Bobbi’s sneakers when she walked out of the bar, slightly tipsy but not nearly as drunk as she wanted to be.

She hadn’t taken all the shots - she was sad enough already without adding her depressed-drunk tendencies on top. She had taken a couple, though, enough that her head spun when she stood up too fast, and when she saw a flicker in the corner of her eye she wasn’t quite sure if it was somebody moving or just her brain lagging behind her eyes.

Bobbi became sure when she stumbled into Mack’s arms.

“What are you doing?” she said, voice instinctively dropping into a whisper as she checked over her shoulder. They couldn’t be seen together; that was why she'd had any shots in the first place. She and Hunter had just meant to use the bar as a place to regroup and decide their next steps, not drink their sorrows away (though Bobbi kind of wished that had been the plan). 

“Saying goodbye,” Mack answered, pulling her backwards until they were behind the bar’s dumpster. It didn’t smell pleasant but it was hidden from sight, and that was more important.

“But -” Bobbi struggled to find the words she wanted, and not because she was a little inebriated. She could find the words because she had never been good at describing how she felt, and in the past thirty minutes she’d experienced practically every human emotion. She was angry, she was sad, she was scared - but she was also… not happy, exactly, but warmed. Warmed by the fact her friend had come to say goodbye when they didn’t have to.

She had meant something, maybe. And of all her fears, that had been the worst one - that her and Hunter’s sacrifice wouldn’t _mean_ anything, that they’d be forgotten the moment Coulson walked out of the interrogation room.

“I had to tell you goodbye,” Mack said when thirty seconds later she still hadn’t managed to summon a sentence. 

“You already did.” Even if he hadn’t used his words, the raised shot, leaving it on the bar only half-finished… Bobbi recognized that as a farewell. She had hoped it wasn’t a final farewell, but if it had been, she would’ve found a way to be okay with it.

“It wasn’t enough.” 

“I’m sorry, I -” _I don’t know how to give you anything better_ , Bobbi wanted to say, but once again words eluded her. This time it was more because she knew she couldn’t actually say those words to Mack’s face, however much she wanted to. She couldn’t look him in the eyes and say _I’ve already given you everything I can_ when it so obviously wasn’t enough. 

“You’re my best friend,” Mack whispered.

Bobbi’s face went slack.

She knew Mack was her best friend, of course. He was the one she went to when things were bad; he was the one she went to when things were good. He was the most constant thing in her life, sure and steady and always, _always_ there.

He wasn’t going to be there anymore. Her best friend wasn’t going to be there anymore, and -

Something inside Bobbi snapped, and she fell forward into Mack’s arms.

“Did you not know you were my best friend?” Mack asked.

“I did,” Bobbi shakily. “And that’s why it hurts so bad.”

Mack pulled her in tighter, and Bobbi let him. Her throat tightened and her eyes burned and she just let her best friend hold her, because -

Because there was a very good chance this was going to be the last time. And maybe it was a blessing, because they both _knew_ it was likely the last time, but maybe it was a curse for the same reason. Bobbi would look back on this moment and think of all the things she wished she had said instead of using all her energy to fight back the tears. She would look back at this moment and ask herself why she wasn’t doing more, for this, the last time.

The answer was simple: she just couldn’t. Holding herself together took everything she had.

“This isn’t forever,” Mack said, running his hand down her back. “I promise, I’ll find a way to get you back.”

“How?” Bobbi asked, voice breaking. As much as she loved Mack, he was just a mechanic. He wasn’t the Director, he couldn’t _do_ anything other than yell at Coulson - and while that would be cathartic, it wouldn’t change anything. Coulson had made them the best offer he could, and they’d denied it because it wasn’t good enough. How could Mack change that?

“I don’t know.” Mack sounded like Bobbi felt; wrung out, fraying at the seams, just a little too tired to fight any more. “But I’ll do it.”

Bobbi nodded, letting herself sink further into Mack’s chest. She was going to have to let go, and soon, but maybe it wouldn’t be all that bad. Hoping right now felt too dangerous, so Bobbi wasn’t hoping that Mack was right, not exactly, but…

But Mack had never lied to her before. And if he had never lied before, why would he start now?

So maybe this wasn’t goodbye.

Maybe this wasn’t the last time.


End file.
